I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You are a genius and a whore.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize