Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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