So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
