I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Where is the hickey?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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