i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize