just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize