i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
nutella sex= disaster
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm too high and old for this...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
