Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
