I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
