So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
