Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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