We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
