I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
