last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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