Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
