I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
