I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
