Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize