Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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