I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
