Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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