remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
