only if we run a train.
done.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
