Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
