oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
