I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
