i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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