so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
