i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
