Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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