sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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