My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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