When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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