They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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