i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
