Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize