In America we eat man semen.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
How does one acquire holy water?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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