Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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