I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
