You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Randomize
