we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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