these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
