Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I can feel your judgement through the phone
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
