I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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