you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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