that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
