We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
