areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i barfeds in our rink
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
