My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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