She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize