i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
