can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
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