i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
