I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
