Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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