another moral hangover. fuck.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
So here I am, sexting at work.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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