My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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