Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
