you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
