Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
