Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Pooping to opera.
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