Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I think your dad took our porno
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
