I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
