i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
