Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
