He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
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