I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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